Why everyone else seems to be having better sex than you.

For the most part... wouldn't you say it feels like every one else is having better and more sex than you are?


I know for me it was like this for what seemed forever.
But in truth it was for only two and a half decades!


Basically in a world where it is all about performance and how we look to the rest of the media world that is hooked into our bedrooms via social networks streaming through our devices, all of life is happening so much better elsewhere.


And then on the rare occasions we actually get together with people face to face for more than a hot minute, conversations are often “light”, skittish, not really that deep and words brush over what is really going on.


Because the truth of it all is that we don't often really tell each other what is really going on and this shallow habit often reaches deep into our relationships.

Ladies.. do you know what the most common thing I hear form men is ? That they don't feel so comfortable to tell their partner their deepest sexual desires in case they will be rejected.
And men... do you know what I hear from many women ? How there is no way they would ever let their partner see how they really look with out sucking in their belly !


Crazy isn't it?


How we can allow some one to enter our bodies physically through penetration or enter some one else's body, yet with hold emotionally from our deepest truths.




Communication is absolute key to all good sex and all good empowering and healing relationships.

Intimacy requires a determined effort to always come back to the heart even during a heated argument.
Simple but very effected practices that deepen intimacy are:
* Eye gazing whilst breathing deeply into the body. This is a very powerful practice to drop out of a story and into the moment. It can be incredibly vulnerable to do this practice, which is also why it is so important. 
Vulnerability is a major key to a good relationship
* Remembering 3 things you are grateful for in your partner and communicating these to them is also a beautiful way to diffuse the moment or begin a discussion with. It can take the charge out of the situation that would other wise create only more hurt or unnecessary anger.


We also have to be willing to let go after arguments and not keep any kind of score of past hurts or waiting for your partner to mess up again.


And as important communication is in intimacy it is absolute key to having damn great sex.
It is paramount that we are able to laugh at ourselves and communicate how we are feeling, what we are desiring moment by moment even,  with out the fear that holds us back


I hear so many people say that they feel uncomfortable talking about sex and that it  "should just happen" " it will just flow " and they will work it out a long the way.
Oh Boy...we all know where that gets us, yet it is still the general norm when it comes to sex.  All the "shoulds" and all the "hopes"  wrapped up in unsatisfactory sexual encounters that leaves us feeling jaded and disappointed and not returning phone calls, 
But this is akin to keeping your head in the sand and then placing all the expectation on the other to know what to do with your body.

Through fear and core beliefs that rule us all of the let downs and the shut downs build up as resentment. And this builds a wall between your beloved and yourself and also between yourself and your own heart



To have great sex with yourself and with another you need great communication.
To have great communication you need to be prepared to be vulnerable and truthful and to step through the fear of being heard .


Great sex is about truth. 
About opening your heart just as much as opening your body.


Damn great sex has a so much more to do with the laughter, the vulnerability, the playfulness, the truth of the matter and the willingness to be open than with the actual techniques.
Because with an open heart and mind comes the opening of the body.

Always with Love & Pleasure.

M xx

3 Things to do to Raise Your Orgasmic Energy

A Woman's Body is the mystery and wisdom of the feminine.

It is the temple, the treasure house of the divine.

There is nothing so complex nor nothing so subtle as the body.

As a single atom contains all the secrets of the matter, the body contains all the secrets of the universe.

Do these words above feel a little too far off the mark for you ?

Do they make you think “well that is alright for some, I just don't have time to be that in touch with my body ?

I get it.

With all the possibilities to be a wild woman in touch with her sexuality sometimes it can just feel overwhelming and too out there with not enough time to be with one self.

When I started on this journey of self empowerment through my pleasure I was sure I would have to foster out my child, find a patron to cover my living expenses and move to the jungle cutting myself off from all civilization just to find time to find my sexy self.

But alas.

I did not.

Here are 3 simple practices that you can do nearly every day or at least every 3 days to feel more and more in touch with your depths as a feminine woman and fall deeper and deeper into the secrets of your universe .

1. Pussy to Heart Connection.

This is beautiful to do before you even get out of bed in the morning.

Place one hand on your heart and the other on your pussy. You could choose to have your hand over your underwear or under your underwear touching your beautiful pussy directly.

In your minds eye visualize a stream of golden or white light connecting the two.

With each breath in, imagine the breath traveling from your pussy up to your heart following this stream of golden or white light.

As you breathe out this light is going out to the world around you. From your pussy, through your heart to the world around you.

Do this as many times as you like.

To add to the potency of this breath, squeeze your perineum muscle ( the one that you squeeze when you are stopping urine flow ) as you breathe in.

Let the muscle go when you breathe out.

2. Strengthen Your Vaginal Muscles Whilst in the Shower.

This is best done with a Crystal Yoni Egg. But if you don't have one you can use your fingers.

Kim Anami is well known for her prowess in the Vaginal Weight Lifting department with photos of her lifting items such as surfboards on Bondi Beach Australia, and coconuts n Bali.

But there is another way you can start to strengthen the internal muscles of your Vagina without using weights.

Simply string dental floss through your drilled Yoni Crystal Egg with enough length in the floss to hang down between your legs.

Once in the shower squat to insert your egg.

Once inside squeeze your egg with your vaginal muscles as you tug strongly on the floss string as if you were trying to pull the egg out.

Squeeze and tug, then rest, squeeze and tug, then rest.

The idea is to strengthen your muscles creating resistance to the egg being pulled out.

You can push the egg right up to your cervix and practice with that band of muscle group in your Vagina. Then shift the egg to the middle part of your vagina strengthening this group of muscle then the entrance of your vagina.

Yes.

Your Vagina has 3 sets of muscles in her. Isn'''t she just G L O R I O U S ?

If you don't have A Yoni Crystal Egg then using your finger is also going to give you results.

When you squat in the shower slowly insert you own finger ( Or Your beloveds !! ) and practice squeezing the three different muscle groups around your finger. This way you can get a real sense of the internal world of you Vagina.

The original Kegels exercise created by Doctor Kegel uses either a finger or metal tool inserted into the woman's vagina. To build muscle you need feedback and response which does not happen when there is nothing for your muscles to hold onto.

What doctors are calling Kegel Exercises today are not the original exercises and wont do much to build strength.

3. D A N C E

Yes dance.

Don't wait for the weekend and that club with your favorite DJ playing to get those hips of your moving. Dance every day. Even if it is just to one song in the mornings as you are waiting for your tea, coffee or cup of cacao to brew. Play that one song loud and go for it.

Happy feminine rising l o v e r s

Dive into the universe of who you are as w o m a n.

Always with Love and so much Pleasure.

Melissa Louise.

C O N S E N T

Boundaries and Consent

Absolute.

Non negotiable.

Freely Given.

Enthusiastically Expressed.

Revocable.

And within a mutual language.

Boundaries & Consent would have to be T H E most important life skill we could possibly have. Especially in the second decade of the millennium of 2000.

So why I ask is it not taught in schools? 

Why is it not taught in the sport arenas we so lavishly place hero status onto and why is it not an every day subject openly spoken about with our children.

If I had it all my way our children from the age of 8 and 9 would be taught self defense, boundaries and consent and how to self pleasure once they began their teenage years instead of f&#king football, history and home economics.

Recently in a series of podcasts in Radio Lab titled  “In The No”.... interviewed women consistently stated they were too scared, felt embarrassed and not safe to change their mind, to say “no” strongly or even walk out of a sexual situation that they did not feel comfortable in.

The subject of the men pushing for their wants and desires like little boys having a tantrum in case they would not get there way is another part of the story.

What I am interested in is W H Y are women not empowering themselves to have their own backs and stand for how they really feel?..and why are  W E, as a collective with in the education systems not supporting our girls and women to have that voice ?

W O R L D...it is 2018.... lets get on with it.

Ladies.... you are not sure? You don't want to be there? Get the fuck up, put on your clothes and walk out...regardless of how you may think you will make this other person feel..your body is yours and not theirs. !!!

Take a self defense class,  ring that friend and who cares what your flat mate will think about you if you cry out for support.? Their perceived shame of you is a hell of a lot better then your own personal shame of doing something you don'' t want to do,

Over and over again women give the reason they “just got on with it” in sexual situations they were not wanting to be involved in,  They did not want their housemates to think they were a “slut” by finding out they were engaging in drunken, risky sexual activity..or they were concerned about what the other person they were currently engaging with would think of them if they crawled out of it.

This female trait of consistently looking after others does not play a role in these situations ladies !!

Who gives a big flying fuck what your flat mate thinks of you ?.... it is what you think of you that matters and how you feel in and after the sexual encounter that is of paramount importance.

Basically as important as consent is, we don’t talk about it enough. Which leaves us with a society that is more than a little unsure about what it is – and what it isn’t,  and how to continually have it as a discussion point.

As is apparent, in this post I am typically talking about consent in the context of some kind of sexual or physical activity with a significant other.

Yet in any form of relationship, both (or all) partners are able to openly talk about and agree on what kind of activity they want to engage in. Whether it’s holding hands, kissing, touching, intercourse, or anything else, it’s really important for everyone in the relationship to feel comfortable with what’s happening. 
In every single moment.

Get Consent Every Time

 

This is where many people feel it is grey.

It’s not okay to assume that once someone consents to an activity,  it means they are consenting to it anytime in the future as well. 
Whether it’s the first time or the hundredth time, in a hookup, a committed relationship or even marriage, nobody is ever obligated to consent to something, even if they’ve done it in the past. A person can decide to stop an activity at any time, even if they agreed to it earlier. Above all, everyone has a right to their own body and to feel comfortable with how they use it.

Consent is revocable.

Every situation is renegotiable...at   A N Y T I M E

Just as consent is the actual foundation of BDSM play, so it should also be for “Vanilla Sex'"" In BDSM before you can "play," you need to discuss the boundaries and comforts levels of each person involved in the scene.

And this is often witnessed by another. Making play a safe place for all parties.

We get so used to the vanilla experience that we forget to ask for or enthusiastically expressed consent.

All around us the Vanilla experience is showcased where the woman is often coerced into something she does not realise she really wants until she is over taken ( aka most boring AF movie sex scenes )

And although we may raise our eyes at these scenes,  remember that this is what generation after generation are raised on.... what is fed to them on the screen.

Whilst we continually are fighting for decent sex education in our schools.  ( as that is where our children spend most of their young life.)
where it would seem we are still in the dark ages whilst sporting super duper electronics, all the kids just as we did..have these images and ideas at their finger tips.

As it is in the BDSM world, all sexual play, including "vanilla sex" should only be engaged with someone you trust implicitly. Boundaries, desires and wants need to be discussed thoroughly beforehand, and the container agreed on.

This societal habit of going out, getting drunk and drugged fuck taking some one home, getting naked with them and having sex..IS RISKY AS ALL AF... really ?
 Come on guys...it is SO time to change the narrative.

Men and women...

Respect your self more..

I am not disregarding anything about one night stands.

Whether it is one night, one day, one week or one year..just be fully there !!!

I personally love in the moment sexy encounters...truth be told..

but hay... instead of talking about what countries you have traveled to, how many brothers and sisters you have ( b o r I n g ) and whether you are a vegan or not.... talk about  SEX..

Lets face it... it is why you are on that date anyway...no point skipping around the fact and shying away from it..... other wise you would be having dinner/coffee etc with your sister of best friend.

Trust comes form honesty and courage.
 Honesty takes courage
And getting naked ..with another...that takes courage and trust.

When was the last time you had a sexual check up ?

When was the last time you asked to see the results of a significant others sexual check up ?

And..another question I have for the masses...if we are subscribing to an education in the school system that teaches us to fear sex due to sexual diseases ...then why are we not teaching our teenagers and ourselves on how to check for sexual diseases? 
Granted not all can be detected by the naked eye, but at least many can.
 

Knowledge and practice of consent and boundaries are non negotiable and empowered sexual education is paramount.

In my world as I see it , there is no more room for grey areas and shying away from the so called “difficult'" ' subjects.
 Because those same subjects are undoing our society, our friendships, the safety of our women & of men and the silence and compliance of us all..

It's more than Time.

Always with Pleasure.

Melissa Louise

Sex Magik. It Is A Thing.

Personally I have dabbled in witchcraft for awhile...mostly all by default ..but using new moon, full moon and forests for many prayers you could call spells.

It was not until I discovered Sex Magik that I was truly turned on ( literally ) by fully owning my witchy-ness and began celebrating the act of casting spells out into the universe.

Discovering Sex magik meant I could combine my love for orgasms and witchy poo magic all in one.

Hell Yes. !

And it may seem like a load of woo hoo and only for crazy people.

But believe me it is the real deal.

Anyways..even if you don't think it to be true..what is the harm of giving it a go ? Any excuse for more orgasms I say !

Sex Magik is a powerful tool to use inside of your relationship with a significant other if you are wanting to draw in big things like a new home, a holiday, having a baby or changing jobs/careers.

And Sex magik is a damn powerful tool to use  S O L O !

I am all for mind-full masturbation and using your masturbation/self pleasure time mindfully towards your desires is a very powerful thing.

A few months ago I used sex magik in Mexico City in the airport.

Faced with red tape over the amount of hours my lay over was between Costa Rica and Canada I was being told that I had to repay for all of my luggage on my flights in order to board the second half of my flight.

I had spent over two hours negotiating with quite a few people behind desks and on phones and felt I had exhausted all avenues.

Travelling for 2 days already I was running on no sleep and had forgotten about this little piece of magic.

Touching my string of necklaces I made contact with my small rose quartz egg that is the perfect size for clitoris play.

“Of Course” I thought. There is always one more thing I can try,

Leaving my son falling in and out of sleep on top of our luggage I went off to the bathroom and got busy.

Very clear with my need to check in onto our 2^nd leg of the journey with all our pre paid luggage at no extra cost I was also wanting to be able to check in 5 hours early so we could just get through the gates and sleep before boarding our flight.

After spending time breathing, stimulating my clitoris and praying I returned to the customer desk where my son was now fast asleep spread eagled over one of his suitcases.

I was greeted by a man I had not seen before wearing a diamante snake broach on his lapel.

“Miss Boord” He said

“I am so sorry for all of your hassles with us over the past few hours. I will personally check all your luggage onto the flight and am happy to do that for you now even though the check in counters for your flight don''t open for a few more hours. Please accept my apologies for the mix up that you have endured'

T R U E     S T O R Y.

I have even used sex magic to have green lights all the way down Lonsdale Avenue in North Vancouver one day when I was extremely late for an appointment .

 I used Sex Magik years ago to get myself to Havana, start a business that allowed me to keep going there and gain a family in a city that I now call my second home.

Most recently this past week I have used Sex Magik both for myself and my Lover. Creating for both of us a few daily things that had to come to fruition. I needed to sell my sons bike that day and the text I received from my lover this morning confirmed a few things I had been self pleasuring over whilst we have been a apart.

There is no denying the power of Sex Magik.

So for the big things and the little things..Sex magik is a
F U N way to manifest what you want.

Here are 4 things about Sex magik you should know.

1. Sex magic is using your sexual energy to cast a spell.

Sex Magik uses your sexual energy (often an orgasm) to cast a spell. Casting a spell is just setting an intention and then performing a ritual to bring the intention to the universe’s attention. You can cast a spell with candles, jars, crystals and other trinkets AND also the most fun of all , O R G A S M S!

2. Orgasms are powerful tools to harness energy.

Everything has energy, and anyone who has experienced energetic, emotional and/or spiritual orgasms knows that they are powerful forms of energy. Aside from feeling good and being a hot way to connect with your partner or more deeply with yourself, some witches believe that the sexual energy within an orgasm can be used as a ritual to cast a spell.

3. To cast a spell, just visualize what you want as you Orgasm.

Words like magic, rituals, and spells can seem complicated, but performing sex magic is easy peasy. Literally just visualize what you want while you bring yourself to orgasm. Want to attract a new partner that fits a certain description? Think about them. Want more money? Think about cash while you orgasm— work less and orgasm more !

4. Masturbation may be the best time to practice sex magic.

You want to give your spell your full concentration.

With a solo practice write your intention down, create a space for mindful masturbation / self pleasure and state it out loud to God Energy / The Universe, as you orgasm. Keep that intention on your altar or under your pillow until it comes to fruition.

If you are using sex magik whilst making love with another then both of you need to be on the same page. Unless you don't tell them and you silently say your intention to yourself as you orgasm.

But really...that is not as fun as it could be.

If you are on the same page, then creating a little ceremony together can be as simple as both agreeing what it is you are wanting manifest and then whilst love making, fucking and being all juicy together keep on thinking about your desire and bring yourselves to orgasm together at the same time and both say it ( well groan, yell, scream and sigh it ) out loud to the universe together.

Sex magik.

You, Your Orgasm, and your Intentions.

Go forth and create baby !!


With Love & Pleasure
Melissa
xx