C O N S E N T

Boundaries and Consent

Absolute.

Non negotiable.

Freely Given.

Enthusiastically Expressed.

Revocable.

And within a mutual language.

Boundaries & Consent would have to be T H E most important life skill we could possibly have. Especially in the second decade of the millennium of 2000.

So why I ask is it not taught in schools? 

Why is it not taught in the sport arenas we so lavishly place hero status onto and why is it not an every day subject openly spoken about with our children.

If I had it all my way our children from the age of 8 and 9 would be taught self defense, boundaries and consent and how to self pleasure once they began their teenage years instead of f&#king football, history and home economics.

Recently in a series of podcasts in Radio Lab titled  “In The No”.... interviewed women consistently stated they were too scared, felt embarrassed and not safe to change their mind, to say “no” strongly or even walk out of a sexual situation that they did not feel comfortable in.

The subject of the men pushing for their wants and desires like little boys having a tantrum in case they would not get there way is another part of the story.

What I am interested in is W H Y are women not empowering themselves to have their own backs and stand for how they really feel?..and why are  W E, as a collective with in the education systems not supporting our girls and women to have that voice ?

W O R L D...it is 2018.... lets get on with it.

Ladies.... you are not sure? You don't want to be there? Get the fuck up, put on your clothes and walk out...regardless of how you may think you will make this other person feel..your body is yours and not theirs. !!!

Take a self defense class,  ring that friend and who cares what your flat mate will think about you if you cry out for support.? Their perceived shame of you is a hell of a lot better then your own personal shame of doing something you don'' t want to do,

Over and over again women give the reason they “just got on with it” in sexual situations they were not wanting to be involved in,  They did not want their housemates to think they were a “slut” by finding out they were engaging in drunken, risky sexual activity..or they were concerned about what the other person they were currently engaging with would think of them if they crawled out of it.

This female trait of consistently looking after others does not play a role in these situations ladies !!

Who gives a big flying fuck what your flat mate thinks of you ?.... it is what you think of you that matters and how you feel in and after the sexual encounter that is of paramount importance.

Basically as important as consent is, we don’t talk about it enough. Which leaves us with a society that is more than a little unsure about what it is – and what it isn’t,  and how to continually have it as a discussion point.

As is apparent, in this post I am typically talking about consent in the context of some kind of sexual or physical activity with a significant other.

Yet in any form of relationship, both (or all) partners are able to openly talk about and agree on what kind of activity they want to engage in. Whether it’s holding hands, kissing, touching, intercourse, or anything else, it’s really important for everyone in the relationship to feel comfortable with what’s happening. 
In every single moment.

Get Consent Every Time

 

This is where many people feel it is grey.

It’s not okay to assume that once someone consents to an activity,  it means they are consenting to it anytime in the future as well. 
Whether it’s the first time or the hundredth time, in a hookup, a committed relationship or even marriage, nobody is ever obligated to consent to something, even if they’ve done it in the past. A person can decide to stop an activity at any time, even if they agreed to it earlier. Above all, everyone has a right to their own body and to feel comfortable with how they use it.

Consent is revocable.

Every situation is renegotiable...at   A N Y T I M E

Just as consent is the actual foundation of BDSM play, so it should also be for “Vanilla Sex'"" In BDSM before you can "play," you need to discuss the boundaries and comforts levels of each person involved in the scene.

And this is often witnessed by another. Making play a safe place for all parties.

We get so used to the vanilla experience that we forget to ask for or enthusiastically expressed consent.

All around us the Vanilla experience is showcased where the woman is often coerced into something she does not realise she really wants until she is over taken ( aka most boring AF movie sex scenes )

And although we may raise our eyes at these scenes,  remember that this is what generation after generation are raised on.... what is fed to them on the screen.

Whilst we continually are fighting for decent sex education in our schools.  ( as that is where our children spend most of their young life.)
where it would seem we are still in the dark ages whilst sporting super duper electronics, all the kids just as we did..have these images and ideas at their finger tips.

As it is in the BDSM world, all sexual play, including "vanilla sex" should only be engaged with someone you trust implicitly. Boundaries, desires and wants need to be discussed thoroughly beforehand, and the container agreed on.

This societal habit of going out, getting drunk and drugged fuck taking some one home, getting naked with them and having sex..IS RISKY AS ALL AF... really ?
 Come on guys...it is SO time to change the narrative.

Men and women...

Respect your self more..

I am not disregarding anything about one night stands.

Whether it is one night, one day, one week or one year..just be fully there !!!

I personally love in the moment sexy encounters...truth be told..

but hay... instead of talking about what countries you have traveled to, how many brothers and sisters you have ( b o r I n g ) and whether you are a vegan or not.... talk about  SEX..

Lets face it... it is why you are on that date anyway...no point skipping around the fact and shying away from it..... other wise you would be having dinner/coffee etc with your sister of best friend.

Trust comes form honesty and courage.
 Honesty takes courage
And getting naked ..with another...that takes courage and trust.

When was the last time you had a sexual check up ?

When was the last time you asked to see the results of a significant others sexual check up ?

And..another question I have for the masses...if we are subscribing to an education in the school system that teaches us to fear sex due to sexual diseases ...then why are we not teaching our teenagers and ourselves on how to check for sexual diseases? 
Granted not all can be detected by the naked eye, but at least many can.
 

Knowledge and practice of consent and boundaries are non negotiable and empowered sexual education is paramount.

In my world as I see it , there is no more room for grey areas and shying away from the so called “difficult'" ' subjects.
 Because those same subjects are undoing our society, our friendships, the safety of our women & of men and the silence and compliance of us all..

It's more than Time.

Always with Pleasure.

Melissa Louise