For the most part... wouldn't you say it feels like every one else is having better and more sex than you are?
I know for me it was like this for what seemed forever.
But in truth it was for only two and a half decades!
Basically in a world where it is all about performance and how we look to the rest of the media world that is hooked into our bedrooms via social networks streaming through our devices, all of life is happening so much better elsewhere.
And then on the rare occasions we actually get together with people face to face for more than a hot minute, conversations are often “light”, skittish, not really that deep and words brush over what is really going on.
Because the truth of it all is that we don't often really tell each other what is really going on and this shallow habit often reaches deep into our relationships.
And men... do you know what I hear from many women ? How there is no way they would ever let their partner see how they really look with out sucking in their belly !
Crazy isn't it?
How we can allow some one to enter our bodies physically through penetration or enter some one else's body, yet with hold emotionally from our deepest truths.
Communication is absolute key to all good sex and all good empowering and healing relationships.
Intimacy requires a determined effort to always come back to the heart even during a heated argument.
Simple but very effected practices that deepen intimacy are:
* Eye gazing whilst breathing deeply into the body. This is a very powerful practice to drop out of a story and into the moment. It can be incredibly vulnerable to do this practice, which is also why it is so important.
Vulnerability is a major key to a good relationship
* Remembering 3 things you are grateful for in your partner and communicating these to them is also a beautiful way to diffuse the moment or begin a discussion with. It can take the charge out of the situation that would other wise create only more hurt or unnecessary anger.
We also have to be willing to let go after arguments and not keep any kind of score of past hurts or waiting for your partner to mess up again.
And as important communication is in intimacy it is absolute key to having damn great sex.
It is paramount that we are able to laugh at ourselves and communicate how we are feeling, what we are desiring moment by moment even, with out the fear that holds us back
I hear so many people say that they feel uncomfortable talking about sex and that it "should just happen" " it will just flow " and they will work it out a long the way.
Oh Boy...we all know where that gets us, yet it is still the general norm when it comes to sex. All the "shoulds" and all the "hopes" wrapped up in unsatisfactory sexual encounters that leaves us feeling jaded and disappointed and not returning phone calls,
But this is akin to keeping your head in the sand and then placing all the expectation on the other to know what to do with your body.
Through fear and core beliefs that rule us all of the let downs and the shut downs build up as resentment. And this builds a wall between your beloved and yourself and also between yourself and your own heart
To have great sex with yourself and with another you need great communication.
To have great communication you need to be prepared to be vulnerable and truthful and to step through the fear of being heard .
Great sex is about truth.
About opening your heart just as much as opening your body.
Damn great sex has a so much more to do with the laughter, the vulnerability, the playfulness, the truth of the matter and the willingness to be open than with the actual techniques.
Because with an open heart and mind comes the opening of the body.
Always with Love & Pleasure.
M xx
