Your Kiss

The breath of your death caress s my lips in their fullness.

Large and African.

Tender with care.

Timidness mixed with the sweet smell of rum.

The harsh lick of tobacco and the whisper of want.

Words do not cross between the two...

...... between the realm of being here and time lost.

Time we thought we had, Time we thought was a given.

Taken by the blows of others in a street on cement.

Our time taken by the fear of humanity against fear itself.

What still remains in the ashes of my grief is the kiss you left on my lips.

as you squeezed my hand and pulled my hair...

this kiss

…...that pierced my skin,

this last kiss that bleeds tears from the eyes that search for you

…....... still.

Samuel.

My Love.

La Havana

died 22/03/2017 

Crowd Funder details to fix the Ceiling of his parents house .

https://www.generosity.com/fundraisers/young-man-killed-by-police-brutality

My Moon Time  Ritual.

Sacred Ceremony.

 

 

I have always dreamt of the Red Tent.

As a young girl I yearned for it but was also intimidated by it.

Inside of me I could feel the reverence for bleeding each month. I felt its power, it's sacredness and gift, but all around me was an under lying current of hatred and shame around women bleeding every month.

Names such as “Rags” and “Thingy” and lines used such as “it's that time of the month” with eyes rolling upwards and sighs to be heard each time man or woman spoke of Menstruation.

My monthly bleed was presented to me by my culture as something that was to be hidden, that others had to put up with and it was smelly and dirty and a complete annoyance.

I had no ceremony held for me, no women's circle to hold me nor an avenue to find out about the sacredness of it all.

Thirty years on I have now made a commitment to myself that each time I bleed I will enter my own red tent.

Inspired by a girlfriend of mine whom has actually just spent a whole month, from one bleed to the next in private ceremony, I committed to myself to be at home and do only what I wanted to do and rest the whole time I was bleeding.

Much preferring the term “moon time” I cocooned myself into my own world where I meditated and listened to my body the whole two days I bled.

Being home in stillness during this time also meant I could indulge in many rituals that have been simmering in my being for a long time now, waiting for this moment to arrive !!

I fully embodied my wild witch-y-ness and set out to re-Wild my WomBan.

I drank my first flow of blood. I ceremoniously give thanks to her as I felt her power re enter my body.

I have to admit I felt like I should have howled up to the sky and beat my chest. But I did not.

After drinking this first flow, I sat in meditation just to be. No agenda, no needing to find answers, just to sit .

I heard that familiar sound of the hummingbird wings.

She was inside of my room.

She came in just as I sat and breathed.

Oh how I welcomed her in.

It is said that Hummingbird brings love as no other medicine can.

It is said that if you take notice of her medicine you will experience a renewal of the magic of living.

Hummingbird is loved by the flowers and plants, for as it sucks the nectar from the flower, the plant reproduces and more of its kind are created.

Hummingbird lives on nectar and searches for the sweetness of life. It's purpose is to pollinate the flowers of the world.

I took her message with the nectar of my blood.

My innate knowing of my nectar that comes with in me.

I spent the next two days ONLY peeing, bleeding and releasing all bodily nations back into mother earth.

I would go into the jungle and squat and release anything that needed to flow, returning to the land I walked on.

In essence I placed a ring of fire around my house.

This in itself is STRONG witch-y-poo magik.

Placing intentions and protection around my house where I reside

Claiming my space of living.

Months ago I started to place my blood beneath the Mango tree by our house that had not bore fruit in years. This season it is FULL of ripening fruits !!!

As my bleed was coming to an end, I would wipe the trickles of the blood off of my inner thighs and then lick my fingers. Oh how my WILD WomBan was in full force.

Then came down the pouring rains on that last night. The quissential tropical downpour that makes everyone and everything stop in its tracks.

I Stood out in the heavy downpour watching the lightning light up the sky in its pinks yellows and hues of blue.

I stood with my legs spread and allowed any last drops of my blood offering to be washed into the land I stood on.

Tow days on from this self appointed ceremony I see so much of what we do as women that does not serve us and therfore does not serve those around us nor the planet at large.

Having taken the time to rest, go inward and honour myself in my FULL womBaness I am not so overwhelmed entering back into the masculine part of my life of work and getting BUZIness done.

I feel grounded and strong. Not behind nor stressed.

I am also experiencing more flow in my life and feel more open to the miracles that are happening.

As I gave to my most sacred time, I am more open to the receiving of my universal gifts.

During this time I also gave my commitment to ease. This meant my son ate pancakes for 2 days because I just said yes. We laughed more than we have in a long time and enjoyed each others company. I relinquished motherly control, so pancakes it was.

And as I listened to my body by resting and staying inward, my body did not crave anything in order to cover any unrespected needs. No cravings for sweetness nor food actually. On my first day I only drank teas. Nuturing spice filled teas with ingredients I picked from the jungle as I wandered around naked amoungst the green offering my blood back to plant that I took from.

Oh WomBan ReWIld.

I am so happy to feel you again. To know you . To meet you. To embody you.

I am so happy to have spent two days in a complete dream like state.

My innate state of the dreamy feminine.

Manifesting and dreaming up what we want in our family and what I want to bring into my life.

The feminine power is buried with in all of us..”the one who knows” as Dr. Clairssa Pinkola Estes calls her...... our deepest sources of creativity and understanding lie out of sight in darkness, in the unconscious. We must learn how to perceive “ through the eyes of the ego”.

The dual way of seeing, being and acting.

We must learn to see in the dark to mine the raw gems of mystery, dreams, sudden knowings, and the shadows of power as individuals in society.

When we honour our moon time and become more still and silent. We access the depths that lay within ourselves that hold the keys to our innate nature of wisdom.

A woman's Power is within her own self, not with in what she can prove in a masculine driven world.

The woman's world is her own.

Her intuition, her creation, her Magik.

Travel With Children

TRAVEL WITH …..

CHILdREN

Thinking of traveling with your kids? 

Well it definitely helps if they are cute and cool.

Cute and cool kids get you a long way.

 

I for one am fortunate to have one of those. Although he is going through that stage of feeling self conscious of his looks with long blonde hair, his great personality and zest for life is adored by everyone he meets.

By just being his mum I get to jump queues, get let on the bus first, sometimes with out even having to pay and get free ice cream at times.

He gets free stuff all the time. Fluffy toys, t shirts, pocket knives, compasses, machetes, bikes and even kittens.

I have been traveling with my super cute and cool kid since he was a baby.

People want to talk to me a lot about him, about me and about us traveling. And at times these people that talk to me offer to house us, take him places and hang out with him so I can have free time and show us around their home towns just because they love my kid.

It is like the cute kid opens up the universe ahead of me.

One piece of advice I will give about traveling with a baby is put them in a sling. Get rid of that bulky pram/stroller thing that takes up room, creates stress full moments in awkward situations. Like at the airport when you can't fold the damn thing up and people behind you get extremely annoyed. People who don't have kids and people like me who refuse to use them.

Besides, the last thing your baby needs when you are traveling is to be seperate from you. Believe me. It is a way lot easier lugging a piece of cloth around than a bundle of plastic and metal that always needs assistance to move, lift and store. 

Over sized luggage is a pain in the bum and when traveling you need to be downsizing on that stuff.

Benefits of having your baby in a sling are:

1. You can run for the bus and just jump on whilst it is moving, extremely important in places like India, Nepal, Buenos Aires and Lima.
   
   
2. You can fit into those tuk tuk cabs... which are generally smaller than the average stroller anyway. 
   
   
3. It is easy to fit yourself into those little quaint cafes in Europe where there is hardly any room for two people at a table let alone two people, a baby and the stroller!
   
   
4. You don't take up more space on the already over crowded tiny side walks famous in places like Bali, Bangkok and Hong Kong. People will like you better for this.
   
   
5. Your baby can sleep anywhere allowing you to the theater and live performances in cities such as Barcelona where tango dancers will make you sweat and hot under the collar. 
   
   
6. People in Cultures such as Indonesia can't keep touching your paler skinned and blondish baby because they are nestled basically right on top of your breasts.
   
   
7. You wont have to be dealing with wheels getting stuck all the time in cobblestones or the cracks and potholes that make up most of the side walks world wide.
   
   
8. When we were in Bali I use to strap my baby to me when I was on the scooter at sleep time. Whilst I rode through rice paddies and back streets sight seeing he would snooze as I cruised.
   
   
9. When traveling in countries where they also wear their babies, you get great brownie points. People smile at you a lot and the women want to talk to you. You are invited into the folds of the fabric of their social circles.

Traveling with kids means that most nights you will be in bed early.

This is good for your health. No hang overs means a nicer mummy and it also means that you eat better as you are not trying to grease your liver to soak up  poison you drank the night before. It kind of means you save money as well.

Another piece of advice, take a pack of UNO cards and let your kid know how important it s you get your cup of coffee in the morning.

My kid has it down pat. We get up, he eats breakfast, we go down cobble stone streets or stumble through a jungle to a cafe and we play UNO.

He is a lot better now at playing the game than he was when we left Australia three years ago.

Quite the champion.

Playing cards with your kid may seem old fashion but it creates connection and a lot of laughter.

After he has had enough of the game he will go off to catch lizards. This means I get to have another cup of coffee.

Always let your kids catch things. Geckos, frogs, ants, dragon flies, flies, turtles and fish if they can. Anything to keep them engaged with their immediate surroundings. 

 Better than screen time it also means that the people around at the time seeing it all happen get to ooohh and aaaahh a lot and tell you how cool you are for letting them do it. So many of us sit around now a days looking at devices that when a kid is seen actively playing it reminds others that life is right in front of them.

What I have found letting my kid do stuff like that attracts really good looking young men. And these men want to hang out with my cool kid.

When these good looking young men have skate boards it is even better. As we are not traveling with one, but my kid loves to skate, there are endless offers for him to go skating with said hot man.

This is a bonus.

 Eye candy. 

It is one thing to be told by other parents and older people that my kid is so lucky to be having the life that he is having. But it is a something else when the hot young blood tells me that I am a great mum and how cool is his life!! Eye candy and points all in one.

 

Most falter at the thought of taking kids traveling.

 But I say do it !

I have taken my kid around the world since he was 15 months old. He turned ten one month ago and has visited thirteen counties in his short but wild decade.

As far as he is concerned he is the luckiest boy he knows and is grateful for every single moment.

 

Although he was sleeping when I saw the Dalai Lama, he has ridden on the shoulders of Micheal Franti in Bali, snorkeled around sea snakes in the Spice Islands, been horse riding with only a rug and rope 5 000 m above sea level in Peru.

 He has been to Disney land in Paris and flew paper aero planes off of the Eifle tower, rode an elephant inside a rescue sanctuary, looked after injured monkeys and toucans and sat on the roof of buses in Paraguay ( don't tell the grandparents ! ).

He has Steered a scooter through Denpasar ( holy shit don't tell them that either ), works voluntary at a reptile park in Costa Rica, has learnt to plant with the moon cycles and catch snakes, picked figs in Turkey and played soccer in the streets of Istanbul, had food fights on beaches, slept in caves, slept over in an orphanage in Peru, patted llamas in the streets of Cusco and had his foot nibbled by a dolphin in Hawaii.

 

 These are just some of the experiences he has had whilst learning another language and learning that people all around the world are basically the same.

 We all want to be loved and to love, it is just that we all have a different way of showing it.

Taking kids on holidays rock.

As a single mum I decided to turn the wait for the quissential family holiday on some paradise get away into a life time of travel by the seats of our pants.

In fact traveling with my wild child is one of the most awesome things I do.

So! Lets Talk About Forgiveness.

So........

lets talk about forgiveness.

This past weeks planetary chaos of Mercury, Mars, Pluto, Jupiter and Saturn in frickin' retrograde all at the same time has been a kin to seven one tonne trucks colliding through the brick wall of my protection throwing dirty laundry around like a hurricane whilst still having to get on with business as usual.

Except today was not so usual.

Being Sunday it was a beach day. A day spent on the beach consoling friends that are each going through their own version of heavy shit. Using the crashing waves to wash away our tears and fears our kids played hard on their boogy boards and laughed at the ocean as we women sobbed.

 

Come two o'clock in the afternoon I needed to be on the internet virtually gathering with a rather fabulous group of women in a conference meeting room.

We all know that with Mercury Retrograde every few months for a few weeks we experience mountains of issues with phones, computers and all electronic communication going haywire.

Mercury Retrograde on a Sunday here in Costa Rica is hell.

Any given Sunday the limited band width of small town internet is bogged down with the new culture of screen time replacing lazy family hammock connection with every man, woman, child and pet mindlessly scrolling down fluro flashes of other people moments in time.

So even though I found myself in a cafe with good wifi ( bonus #1 ) and they served REALLY GOOD coffee ( bonus #2, #3, #4 and so on to infinity) I spent in between my soul warming sips of latte trying to consistently re connect, re boot and re trying to get online with these women in Australia.

Frustrated that I was not able to full fill my part within the online gathering I took solace that it had to do mostly with the dance of the five planets whirling above. Much has been written about pausing in this time. BUT as they say when a planet and more so with five planets going into retrograde opportunities are thrown at us to review, re-visit, remember, re-wire, re-do, re-claim and release.

Weather we damn well want to or not.

With our hands tied behind our backs and cream pies thrown into our faces we are forced to look at all the shit we have done, created and had done to us with trillions of opportunities to forgive.

Grumble grumble, holy hell and really? Right now? This minute?

Well yes.

So even though Mercury messes with electrical wires and stuff the same planet can give us a second chance of communicating with someone where things didn’t go well the first time around. Often we get to unexpectedly bump into our past gaining the chance for some juicy closure or simply receive a message helping us on our yellow brick path.

This is exactly what happened for me in Sibu.

Finally giving up on the meeting, ordering another latte I not only received a message from one dark shadow of a male in my past, but three. All at the same time.

Holy shit.

Three different men, three different continents and three different heart breaks.

Bam...

By the end of all three face book calls and messages, forgiveness was in full flight, loads of love was flying around, kisses galore and promises of speaking again soon.

After spending time in my past it was time to look at my present.

Time to forgive those moments of red flags ignored.

Whilst the planets have been causing havoc upstairs, my life on earth has been caught in a whirlwind of promise with big lips that liked to kiss, but at the end of the day it is not enough.

What does it take for a man to rock my world?

A hell of a lot I am finding out.

So the search still continues and in the meantime I will join Pluto who loves a good detox, be it physical, mental, emotional or spiritual.

Running again up damn steep hills, concentrating on releasing old habits, purging some issues with and without a swig of Ayauasca, I think I will go on retreat in my own house, in my own beautiful jungle, do some hard core healing, clear out my house and wardrobe whilst continuing to keep on following my shiny juicy inner guidance.

CHOCOLATE oh CHOCOLATE

Chocolate 

Five things to do with chocolate that does not involve eating.

Glorious Chocolate.

Massage.

This would have to be one of my favourites. Pushing most people I know to their erotic edge, being covered in or covering someone else in chocolate conjures up sensual and often wicked thoughts.

Most people ask me when inquiring about the chocolate massage that I give, if someone comes and licks it off!!

“Well if you invite someone along, yes!”. 

Other wise a warm shower is recommended!     
To do a massage, melt the desired amount of cacao paste with generous amounts of coconut oil and even some cacao butter if you like. For a full body you will need about half a kilo of paste, at least a cup of oil and a generous blob of cacao butter.  For the face you may like to seperate a small amount and add honey or sweetener so that it tastes good if it finds its way to the receivers mouth during the massage !!  Put on some good music, cover the floor with old towels and if you can keep the mixture warm through out the massage with a hot a plate or keep the pot of chocolate bay marie style in warm water then brilliant!  Massage as you would with oil.  Breath in the aroma and feel the effects of the ancient bean working its sensuous magic for both yourself the giver and the receiver.

Pray.

The Mayan Goddess of Chocolate, Ixcacao , has a humble but very honorable origin. An earth goddess, an ancient fertility goddess in a matriarchial society where it was women's work to gather crops and see to it that everyone was fed, her divine responsibility was to banish hunger and provide safety and security to the people.  A good woman to pray to!  I have cacao pods on my alter and include the vision of decadence, nuture and the ancient goddess in my visions as I meditate in the morning. If I am building an alter of gratitude, especially before a feast to share with friends, I always include a cacao pod or cacao beans amongst my crystals, feathers and other important finds from mother nature.

Body Oil.

When I lived in Peru, amongst mountains covered in snow and in freezing cold weather for the most part, many people asked me how was it I maintained a healthy glow much like a suntan.  Well it was chocolate.  I would melt with a generous amount of coconut oil, cacao, enough to colour the oil, but not too much to make it actual eating chocolate.  My morning ritual, was rather decadent.  Before showering I would warm this mix and then I would have warm coconut oil to cover myself with once out of the shower.  It was always commented on how I smelt like chocolate.  I have to say this is my favourite body lotion ever.   Made in my very own kitchen from two of my favourite products.   Chocolate and coconut oil.

Paint.

Instead of toxic paints use melted chocolate. A sweet smelling gift for the grandparents or step it up a notch for a lover. Roll yourself covered in chocolate over a large canvas leaving imprints and images of your body parts!  Eco friendly, fun and smells delicious.

Plant.

Yes chocolate grows on trees.  The cacao tree is commonly called Madre Cacao.  Theobroma cacao meaning "Food of the Gods" a name coined by the swedish Linneus, that merged the greek words "Theo" god "broma" food with the Maya cacao.  Plant one, build an altar under it, harvest the pods, ferment the beans, dry them and grind them and there you have your very own chocolate.  Life does not get much better than that !!

The Best Love Affair

 

The Best Love Affair

A Sunday evening crawling off of the beach as the sun sets is a good Sunday in deed.

When the beach is flanked by coconut trees and the streets leading away from the shore are also made of sand with most of the traffic being bicycles and pedestrians, it really feels like a Sunday that is stretching every minute to the ultimate in it s lazy afternoon feel. There is no where else to be but in the moment of salt drenched hair and sun kissed skin.

In this soft glow of Sunday bliss I came across a lady I know from the markets where I live in the mountains.

She looked amazing. Her skin was glowing, her long blonde hair was soft and shiny and the smile on her face was brilliant. That smile gave a lot away. There was something going on. She was brighter than I had ever seen her.

As I sat next to her she just continued to look at me grinning like a Cheshire cat whom had found and licked the cream.

"Ok honey" I said. "What is going on? You are beaming and it really suits you. What has happened?"

"Well, " she said. " I have a boyfriend"

 

" I knew it! It had to be really good sex or pregnancy"

"It is amazing". She said. " I am so happy"

And it showed.

She was a woman radiating. Her happiness was contagious and it was a pleasure to be around her.

This woman in lust then went on to tell me all the things that had shifted since the beginning of this new relationship. 

She had stopped drinking coffee, her acne had calmed down, she had lost weight, started exercising, sleeping better and now fitted into her old jeans.

Life was more than peachy. It was like a shiny Christmas ball ball hanging proudly on the tree.

And from where I was sitting it was working. 

The transformation was obvious and beautiful.

 

I returned to my home in the mountains happy for her and wondering when the hell it would be my turn. There was no electricity when I stumbled into my house so I went to bed early wavering between feeling content and de-flunked. This yo yo of being happy on my own and wanting to be in a relationship was one I have grappled with for seven years now. 

Waking this morning before the sunrise, even before the howler monkeys I was still thinking of this phenomenon of how many of us shine when we are in love.

After seven years of being single I knew that I did not really want to wait until I was in love with someone else to have the opportunity to shine.

I had caught myself last night as I blew out the candles self criticising parts of my body that I was not happy with and have not been for forty years, pathetically concluding to myself this is why I am not in love and glowing.

Oh how the mind falls back into self lacerating in those vulnerable moments.

Just before five am the monkeys started to wake howling their way into the dawn.

I went and laid out on the balcony, naked, on the Alpaca rug I bought my son when in Peru.

Seriously. Could it really get better than this?

If I am not in a love affair with some fabulous man that I find completely gorgeous then the person left to be in a love affair with is me.

To fall completely head over heels and madly in love with myself.

To love and adore myself as I am, flaws and all.

To appreciate and honor myself and all that I do.

To treat myself as I would treat a lover.

I want to see if I can elevate my energy of love within my own self. Entering this relationship of self love with my own being.

To carry that glow and shine my light as who I am with only myself to thank for.

I live in a country where the men like some trunk on a woman. They appreciate the form of a lady that leaves her girl like figure behind in those teenage years.

So it is about time I also do the same.

With the sun slowly rising with a midst falling over the ridge, I began my self love affair lying on Alpaca wool. I appreciated the body that is mine. I giggled in adoration and asked myself what it is I would really like to be doing in that moment.

With no buts, if's or should be's I put on my boots and a silk kimono and went down to the water hole and swam with extreme delight in the very fresh water as humming birds flew around searching for nectar in the flowers around me.

In this morning of the beginning of a love affair with myself I caught much of the head talk that is like a tape on repeat. I stopped the negative berating and replaced it with soft smiles and giggles. As I appreciate the water that flowed over my body I appreciated how far I have come with the body I have. The strong body and big heart that is mine.

Even if it is only me that thinks it, at least I think I am awesome and worth living with and adoring in this nature wonderland i am so lucky to live in.

The green green forest of Costa Rica.