Why everyone else seems to be having better sex than you.

For the most part... wouldn't you say it feels like every one else is having better and more sex than you are?


I know for me it was like this for what seemed forever.
But in truth it was for only two and a half decades!


Basically in a world where it is all about performance and how we look to the rest of the media world that is hooked into our bedrooms via social networks streaming through our devices, all of life is happening so much better elsewhere.


And then on the rare occasions we actually get together with people face to face for more than a hot minute, conversations are often “light”, skittish, not really that deep and words brush over what is really going on.


Because the truth of it all is that we don't often really tell each other what is really going on and this shallow habit often reaches deep into our relationships.

Ladies.. do you know what the most common thing I hear form men is ? That they don't feel so comfortable to tell their partner their deepest sexual desires in case they will be rejected.
And men... do you know what I hear from many women ? How there is no way they would ever let their partner see how they really look with out sucking in their belly !


Crazy isn't it?


How we can allow some one to enter our bodies physically through penetration or enter some one else's body, yet with hold emotionally from our deepest truths.




Communication is absolute key to all good sex and all good empowering and healing relationships.

Intimacy requires a determined effort to always come back to the heart even during a heated argument.
Simple but very effected practices that deepen intimacy are:
* Eye gazing whilst breathing deeply into the body. This is a very powerful practice to drop out of a story and into the moment. It can be incredibly vulnerable to do this practice, which is also why it is so important. 
Vulnerability is a major key to a good relationship
* Remembering 3 things you are grateful for in your partner and communicating these to them is also a beautiful way to diffuse the moment or begin a discussion with. It can take the charge out of the situation that would other wise create only more hurt or unnecessary anger.


We also have to be willing to let go after arguments and not keep any kind of score of past hurts or waiting for your partner to mess up again.


And as important communication is in intimacy it is absolute key to having damn great sex.
It is paramount that we are able to laugh at ourselves and communicate how we are feeling, what we are desiring moment by moment even,  with out the fear that holds us back


I hear so many people say that they feel uncomfortable talking about sex and that it  "should just happen" " it will just flow " and they will work it out a long the way.
Oh Boy...we all know where that gets us, yet it is still the general norm when it comes to sex.  All the "shoulds" and all the "hopes"  wrapped up in unsatisfactory sexual encounters that leaves us feeling jaded and disappointed and not returning phone calls, 
But this is akin to keeping your head in the sand and then placing all the expectation on the other to know what to do with your body.

Through fear and core beliefs that rule us all of the let downs and the shut downs build up as resentment. And this builds a wall between your beloved and yourself and also between yourself and your own heart



To have great sex with yourself and with another you need great communication.
To have great communication you need to be prepared to be vulnerable and truthful and to step through the fear of being heard .


Great sex is about truth. 
About opening your heart just as much as opening your body.


Damn great sex has a so much more to do with the laughter, the vulnerability, the playfulness, the truth of the matter and the willingness to be open than with the actual techniques.
Because with an open heart and mind comes the opening of the body.

Always with Love & Pleasure.

M xx

3 Things to do to Raise Your Orgasmic Energy

A Woman's Body is the mystery and wisdom of the feminine.

It is the temple, the treasure house of the divine.

There is nothing so complex nor nothing so subtle as the body.

As a single atom contains all the secrets of the matter, the body contains all the secrets of the universe.

Do these words above feel a little too far off the mark for you ?

Do they make you think “well that is alright for some, I just don't have time to be that in touch with my body ?

I get it.

With all the possibilities to be a wild woman in touch with her sexuality sometimes it can just feel overwhelming and too out there with not enough time to be with one self.

When I started on this journey of self empowerment through my pleasure I was sure I would have to foster out my child, find a patron to cover my living expenses and move to the jungle cutting myself off from all civilization just to find time to find my sexy self.

But alas.

I did not.

Here are 3 simple practices that you can do nearly every day or at least every 3 days to feel more and more in touch with your depths as a feminine woman and fall deeper and deeper into the secrets of your universe .

1. Pussy to Heart Connection.

This is beautiful to do before you even get out of bed in the morning.

Place one hand on your heart and the other on your pussy. You could choose to have your hand over your underwear or under your underwear touching your beautiful pussy directly.

In your minds eye visualize a stream of golden or white light connecting the two.

With each breath in, imagine the breath traveling from your pussy up to your heart following this stream of golden or white light.

As you breathe out this light is going out to the world around you. From your pussy, through your heart to the world around you.

Do this as many times as you like.

To add to the potency of this breath, squeeze your perineum muscle ( the one that you squeeze when you are stopping urine flow ) as you breathe in.

Let the muscle go when you breathe out.

2. Strengthen Your Vaginal Muscles Whilst in the Shower.

This is best done with a Crystal Yoni Egg. But if you don't have one you can use your fingers.

Kim Anami is well known for her prowess in the Vaginal Weight Lifting department with photos of her lifting items such as surfboards on Bondi Beach Australia, and coconuts n Bali.

But there is another way you can start to strengthen the internal muscles of your Vagina without using weights.

Simply string dental floss through your drilled Yoni Crystal Egg with enough length in the floss to hang down between your legs.

Once in the shower squat to insert your egg.

Once inside squeeze your egg with your vaginal muscles as you tug strongly on the floss string as if you were trying to pull the egg out.

Squeeze and tug, then rest, squeeze and tug, then rest.

The idea is to strengthen your muscles creating resistance to the egg being pulled out.

You can push the egg right up to your cervix and practice with that band of muscle group in your Vagina. Then shift the egg to the middle part of your vagina strengthening this group of muscle then the entrance of your vagina.

Yes.

Your Vagina has 3 sets of muscles in her. Isn'''t she just G L O R I O U S ?

If you don't have A Yoni Crystal Egg then using your finger is also going to give you results.

When you squat in the shower slowly insert you own finger ( Or Your beloveds !! ) and practice squeezing the three different muscle groups around your finger. This way you can get a real sense of the internal world of you Vagina.

The original Kegels exercise created by Doctor Kegel uses either a finger or metal tool inserted into the woman's vagina. To build muscle you need feedback and response which does not happen when there is nothing for your muscles to hold onto.

What doctors are calling Kegel Exercises today are not the original exercises and wont do much to build strength.

3. D A N C E

Yes dance.

Don't wait for the weekend and that club with your favorite DJ playing to get those hips of your moving. Dance every day. Even if it is just to one song in the mornings as you are waiting for your tea, coffee or cup of cacao to brew. Play that one song loud and go for it.

Happy feminine rising l o v e r s

Dive into the universe of who you are as w o m a n.

Always with Love and so much Pleasure.

Melissa Louise.

Self Worth & Orgasms

In a world where free speech to this day is constantly debated and still fought for, the subject of a woman's choice to have plastic surgery is a heated one.

Especially when the plastic surgery is performed for appearances only.
There is no denial that in incredibly extreme cases of cleft plate deformity, car accidents, 3 degree burn incidents and so on that plastic surgery is a life saving procedure for the well being of the victim.
Their is also no denial that still today girls, and boys, are being raised and spoon fed a very narrow, mostly unachievable concept of outward appearances of beauty.

And it does not stop in the formative years. With more and more access to the digital world where even 2 yr olds have their own “smart” phones each and every one of us are constantly bombarded daily, in fact hourly and by the minute photo shopped ideals of how one should appear to “make it” in this world.

The ultimate freedom of working for yourself, anywhere, anytime basically involves one to be able to take stunning photos of oneself in sexy half naked shots proving you have bought into the agenda that good healthy food is a status for the elite and you get to do it on a beach in paradise.

These productions of proof gain you thousands and thousands of likes, lifting your status to someone that others would like to be and now you are an influencer.

In an era that is supposedly on the other side of feminism, where we are meant to be reaping the rewards for what our for mothers fought for, we are still receiving less pay than men, we have higher rates of single mothers raising children on their own than ever before, are constantly bombarded with the pink tax, the beauty product industry is the highest most profitable industry to date, women's “health Issues” are on an all time high and with each decade an even skinnier version of the perfect female body to strive for to gain all the success we could possibly dream of.
Plastic surgeries have risen to.....in the last 5 years with female mutilation high on the list.
Whilst human rights bodies all over the world are campaigning for women's rights in certain countries of Africa to not have their outer labia's cut for religious reasons, in the affluent Western countries such as the USA, Canada and Australia we have women flocking to have theirs re shaped as the porn industry reaps it's havoc on our warped perception of normalcy.



Now a days the perfect female body will get you affiliates on your instagram and youtube accounts, companies will send you loads of free gifts that you can now surely afford so that your perfect self can show the world they are apart of your perfection and freedom, it will gain you the perfect relationship with the perfect looking other and if you decide not to be in a relationship then that is how you keep your perfect life.

The need to look the part causes us to turn a blind eye to the killing of other living beings so our products can be deemed safe enough for our consumption.
Perceived success in an image of beauty that is not real causes death to others.
The death of the true human spirit, the death of animals that are used for product testing and the death of other humans in lower socio economic groups that receive money for the testing of products and drugs including those used to reach the unachievable goal of societies perceived beauty.
The constant inner dissatisfaction reeks havoc in relationships creating an elephant n the room that stands in the way of true intimacy.
New research by McCrindle and laser machine brand Cynosure shows most women want to change something about their bodies and believe their lives would be better with a more "sculpted" body.
According to the research, 93 per cent of Australian women believe their body shape could be improved and 59 per cent of women are unhappy with their body shape.
Almost a third said they would feel more confident in their love lives and would enjoy going to the beach more. 37 per cent would "feel more confident when I go out with friends" and 43 per cent would be "more OK with who I am".
Almost one in four Aussie women have tried microdermabrasion, diet pills, chemical peel, cellulite cream, liposuction, a breast augmentation or a facelift.

I feel I have been rebelling against this machine since I was a child.
It has made me angry, resentful to be living in our society and mad that it still exists. I was somehow under the illusion that by the time I reached my own adulthood years we would all be over this.



But now in a time where being a “Goddess” is each and every woman's right if not a “necessity” to show how happy and successful she is, it feels like we have only become more and more obsessed of how we look like as a Goddess than truly embodying who we truly are as individuals.



I don't have the answers to it all, just as I never did back when I was hitchhiking my way around Mexico, Bolivia, Paraguay, Argentina and Brasil proving to the world as a woman I could do anything. That as a woman I could be anywhere, do what I want and succeed making my mark as a wild woman.
I even rode an Enfield motorbike through Rhajhastan along the Pakistani border to push my own limit of fear as a woman in a country that showed I was human fodder to be poked grabbed and pulled at.

But I do know one answer to many of these ailments of lack of self worth, female competition, body issues, relationship issues, menstrual cramps, migraines, despondency, lack lustre skin, stress and the feeling of always missing out by not being in a relationship ...O R G A S M.



I was with a friend a few weeks ago as she was purchasing a hoped solution to her menstrual cramps. I suggested she have an orgasm at least every 4 hours during her bleed. Soon after I received a message from her telling me that she experienced her first pain free menstruation in years.
Before a Migraine hits full force, an orgasm will release the blood constriction occurring around the brain. But not once it has settled in as a migraine. So there is no stalling on this one. Just Do It.
Orgasms raise our oxytocin levels which means they make us happier.
The more orgasms women have the less competitive they are towards each other, basically because they are happier.
Orgasms create cell renewal giving our skin that gorgeous glow and youthful look that way too many women try to create spending hours in the bathroom with expensive products trying to achieve.

Orgasms release stress and make us feel happier with ourselves meaning we spend less time emotionally shopping A N D less time emotionally eating.
With less crap food going into our bodies we end up feeling better about ourselves.
When we are feeling better about ourselves we are more present in our relationships.



The list goes on. And if you still feel unconvinced than just ask yourself do you really think we were given orgasms in our bodies by the creator just so we could procreate and have other humans produced? That is a hell of a lot of menstruations per life time and a hell of a lot of time spent N O T having orgasms if this was so.
Want another reason to have an orgasm a day?
They balance your hormones.

Always with Love

& an ocean of Pleasure.

Melissa Louise.

Strengthen Your Cock

Strengthen Your Cock

Firstly I want to state my disclaimer for using the word “C O C K” instead of lingham or Penis.

I lived in and out of Bali for many years where I was designing clothes and accessories.

In the Balinese culture lies a sport that I do not agree with.

Cock Fighting.

But what I witnessed among the Balinese men was their pride for their bird. It was petted, groomed, well fed and adored as this bird represented the owner in it's prowess in the fighting ring.

The Cock birds were shiny, colorful and strong.

And it did not go unnoticed that many of these birds were looked after more so than their women.

Putting the sport and the cultural differences between the sexes aside, I was enamoured by how these male chickens ( the Cocks ) were housed in their own little cane built cages, primed to be their best and how they were singled out for adoration and pride. ( until they lost a fight of course )''

But watching the Balinese men with their birds I could not help make the correlation of the masculine energy they placed and put into these birds that would be well directed if similarly placed towards their own sexual member. Their own Cocks.

To be petted, well looked after, adored, healthy and honoured.

So that is why I use the word  C O C K.

It is a strong and powerful word. It stands alone.

So lets get on with how you can strengthen your glorious sexual member.

Is it possible to strengthen I hear you ask ?

Abso - F*%#ing- lutely it is possible.

Depending on your unique genetic make up, your penis is made up of anywhere from 30-60% what is known as smooth muscle tissue. And just like other kinds of muscle tissue, it can grow (or shrink) depending on how you use it.



If you have or do suffer from erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation please know you are among many men. Especially as you age, and have spent many years in work you do not particularly enjoy or have not purposely devoted time to healing childhood traumas, you need to know that ED is often a direct result to not having a purpose in life.
( more on that later ).
Strengthening your cock physically, emotionally and mentally can turn your sex life from something that gives you anxiety into something that you confidently crave.
If you have not suffered from ED or PE and want to strengthen your cock for better sex, firmer erections, and legendarily lasting power between the sheets, then this information is also great for you . 

 

First it is important to know that you need to sharpen Your Own Sword.

 

In other words you can not be relying on any over the counter quick fixes.
these pills/herbs/supplements only make the problem worse- on multiple levels as even though they don't last, or don't work at all you will be using a crutch.
And I have heard of men complain that the pills actually made them so hard that it hurt so badly that then they had to use ice packs to make their erections go down. So stay away!
You need to be building authentic confidence and build the strength naturally.

First What You Need To Stop Doing

A lifetime of poor sexual conditioning results in pelvic floor muscles (and therefore your erections) weaker than they could be, and your sexual awareness less than ideal.
With a few simple shifts in your lifestyle, you can shift from lack lustre to lasting longer.

1. Remove Stressors From Your Life

Stress is the new Crack in our culture but it is a lifestyle that hits you right where it hurts. When we are stressed our cortisol levels sky rocket and this makes your sex drive drop like a rock,
It will be harder for you to be present when you are making love with your partner.
Remove any and all stressors that you have control over in your life.



Do you really need to be working those extra hours of overtime?
Do you really need to be loading up your body with coffee/energy drinks/caffeine?
What extra responsibilities can you politely and firmly decline that are being thrown at you?
A more balanced and relaxed lifestyle that you can have, the better you will feel overall.
This will also allow you to perform better sexually.
This means more fun, more play, and more socializing.
Less grinding, hustling, and overtime
Add some infrequent intense workouts in the mix and your body and mind will thank you for it.

2. Stop Watching Porn

Studies have shown over and over again the fact that excessive (or even moderate) porn usage negatively affects your erectile strength and ability to become aroused with your significant other.
So if you really want to strengthen your penis, cut out the porn, and over the course of the next few weeks you will see your erectile strength increasing steadily.

3. Stop Racing Towards Ejaculation

( this is my personal favourite )
Don't get me wrong, quickies are amazing and they definitely have their place ( especially when your beloved is ovulating ) but if your habit of masturbation is to race to ejaculation as quickly as possible then you’re missing out on a lot of prime penis strengthening time.
Not to mention you are setting a neural pathway that will pretty well soon enough distance you from your lover.
If you are not yet practicing mindful masturbation with mastering your ejaculation then know that just for now if you make it over the five minute mark then it will be the fastest way to grow and strengthen your penis (and therefore erections).

What You Need To Start Doing Mentally

1. Recognize Anxious Thoughts

Listen to your internal dialogue as you start to get physical with your partner.
Do your thoughts leap to “I hope I’ll perform well this time” or “Come on penis, get up!”?
If they do, then this internal battle is not helping. At all.
It takes everyone some time to become physically ready to have sex.
Energetically speaking men are like fire, women are life water.
It takes a good 45 min and more for a woman to be F U L L Y ready to be penetrated. ( note many women are conditioned to be penetrated way too early )
So have patience with yourself and focus on the sensations your body is feeling. Getting to know your arousal is really, really important in the practice of ejaculation mastery.

2. Name The Elephant In The Room

If erectile dysfunction (even infrequent ED has been a pattern for you, make sure that you let your partner in on it.
It may be awkward the first time you bring it up, but suffering in silence doesn’t help either one of you.
Many women are conditioned to believe that if a man has a soft cock then he is not attracted to her.
Speaking about what happens for you will not only set her mind at ease but will also allow you to see if she is going to be supportive. Because if she is unable to be then she is not the woman for you. !

3. Realize That Porn Has Misled You

Generally people are aware of the level of trickery that goes into major blockbuster Hollywood films, especially with all the special effects used these days.
But what people often don’t know is that porn is just as fake.
Having watched many interviews and production streams of women directed porn productions, I can assure you that the seemingly stallion-like men that appear in porn don’t operate like that in real life. And on a real porn set, the performers stop and start frequently and it can even take several weeks of filming and then edited into one scene.
So yes, it is entirely possible to last for hours on end. But the expectation that you should be able to have sex four hours straight without even temporary breaks throughout is Extremely unrealistic. ( and believe me your partner needs breaks as well ! )
Also...It’s completely natural to go partially soft during sex.
Don’t think that because the guys in porn (seem like they) don’t take breaks that you shouldn’t be.
So remember to let go of the performance mindset. It is okay to go limp, it happens to everyone (and besides, your mouth and hands still work).

What You Need To Start Doing Physically

1. Kegels

Kegel exercises (flexing and holding the muscles that stop the flow of urine – aslo referred to as the PC or pelvic floor muscles) are a great way to begin reconnecting yourself with your genitals.
We are so disconnected from our sexuality in our daily lives that even a few quick pulses can remind us that we are sexual beings. I recommend this to both men and women.
While simple kegel exercises won’t give you a six pack in your pants, they are a great first step. Try these out for a couple of weeks in increasing levels of difficulty.
Doing greater number of pulses, or longer holds at a time.

2. Power Kegels

You want to be doing this twice a week for 10 min each time. Masturbate to arousal. Then drape dry hand towels over your penis and do modified pull ups. ( kegels ). 
Once this gets easier, wet the hand towels with water, and then graduate to small beach towels after that.
Doing this in the shower makes it easy to fit into your day.
Keep a few small washcloths in the shower so that you can soak them, do a few sets of exercises, and then hang them up to dry in the shower.
You will noticeably strengthen your penis within a few weeks.
Remember to take days off in between your kegel sessions. Just like any other muscles on your body, the muscles of your pelvic floor actually strengthen in days of rest (not during the exercises themselves).

3. Masturbation Without Porn

To begin your recconnection with your cock, masturbate without the use of porn. Porn is an external stimulus that takes your mind off of the physical sensations you are feeling and into the realm of being an observer. By cutting out porn and being pushed to use your imagination you will start to re-sensitize to your body and get to know the many different levels of your sexual arousal.
The more awareness you have of what your physical level of arousal is the more control you will have over your erections and ejaculations with your partner.

4. The “8-5 Technique”

Self love on Steroids.
This is a variation of the Master Your Ejaculation that I teach.
Which if you want to go further into feel free to book a session with me and I will be happy to work with you personally.
But this exercise is a great one to strengthen your penis while simultaneously upgrading your sexual stamina.
Masturbate to arousal (without porn) and, on an internal scale of 1 to 10, through the quickening and slowing down of your manual stimulation you want to be rising and falling your sexual arousal between a 5 to a 8. ( 10 being ejaculation )
For simplicity’s sake let’s say that a 5 is where you are still quite erect but your mind is calm & an 8 is nearing the point of no return ( Your PNR ) but staying a safe distance away from it so you can ease back down to a 5.
You want to do this rising and falling pattern between 8 and 5 for sessions of greater than 20 minutes. It might sound like a lot, but once you make it past the five minute mark it gets considerably easier.
Have patience with yourself, and realize that with each round of 8-5 that you do, you become more aware of your sexual arousal range, your cock gets stronger, and you gain more control over your ejaculatory response … all of which equal you being a better lover with greater sexual stamina. You will notice the increased results with your partner after just one or two sessions. gain more control over your ejaculatory response

5. Deep Breathing

Breath is Key.
To almost everything in sex.
Breath and presence.
What we often see, what we are fed in the media of movies and all that jazz, is this tense version of ejaculation. Quick, tense and done with way too soon. This version of ejaculation is in fact how you speed it up. Holding your breath also contributes to ejaculating quickly.
To slow down and elongate your sexual session, relax your muscles and breathe deeply into your belly.
Deep breathing is one of the fastest ways to gain more control over your increasing sexual arousal. Consciously check in with your body, breathe deeply into your belly, and relax your muscles while focusing all of your energy on the sensations that your body is feeling.

A mans cock is like a barometer for how confident he feels in his life.

If his sexual essence is soft and limp, then so is his drive in other areas of his life.

The strength and stamina of your cock are not the only things that make you an amazing lover. ( believe me ) but having confidence in your cock is a damn good place to start in having sexual confidence.

Here is where I want to widen the view.

There is a lot of pressure for men to penetrate a lover.

But whilst you are fixated on that penetration you are leaving out all the magik before hand,

Mindfully masturbating with out shame or guilt is paramount for men and it not only strengthens your cock but also your heart and mind.

The core of a man's life is his purpose.

So if you are not living in the expression of your purpose, you are not penetrating life with who you are as a man.

When a man is not penetrating life then penetrating his lover also becomes a challenge and becomes a stress in his life.

“With out a conscious life purpose a man is totally lost, drifting adopting to events rather than creating events. With out knowing his life purpose a man lives a weakened, impotent existence, perhaps eventually becoming even sexually impotent or prone to mechanical and disinterested sex.”

David Deida

Strengthen your cock naturally with these exercises and ask yourself... is what I am doing now part of my purpose? Or am I supporting some one else's purpose.?

Always with Pleasure

Melissa.

C O N S E N T

Boundaries and Consent

Absolute.

Non negotiable.

Freely Given.

Enthusiastically Expressed.

Revocable.

And within a mutual language.

Boundaries & Consent would have to be T H E most important life skill we could possibly have. Especially in the second decade of the millennium of 2000.

So why I ask is it not taught in schools? 

Why is it not taught in the sport arenas we so lavishly place hero status onto and why is it not an every day subject openly spoken about with our children.

If I had it all my way our children from the age of 8 and 9 would be taught self defense, boundaries and consent and how to self pleasure once they began their teenage years instead of f&#king football, history and home economics.

Recently in a series of podcasts in Radio Lab titled  “In The No”.... interviewed women consistently stated they were too scared, felt embarrassed and not safe to change their mind, to say “no” strongly or even walk out of a sexual situation that they did not feel comfortable in.

The subject of the men pushing for their wants and desires like little boys having a tantrum in case they would not get there way is another part of the story.

What I am interested in is W H Y are women not empowering themselves to have their own backs and stand for how they really feel?..and why are  W E, as a collective with in the education systems not supporting our girls and women to have that voice ?

W O R L D...it is 2018.... lets get on with it.

Ladies.... you are not sure? You don't want to be there? Get the fuck up, put on your clothes and walk out...regardless of how you may think you will make this other person feel..your body is yours and not theirs. !!!

Take a self defense class,  ring that friend and who cares what your flat mate will think about you if you cry out for support.? Their perceived shame of you is a hell of a lot better then your own personal shame of doing something you don'' t want to do,

Over and over again women give the reason they “just got on with it” in sexual situations they were not wanting to be involved in,  They did not want their housemates to think they were a “slut” by finding out they were engaging in drunken, risky sexual activity..or they were concerned about what the other person they were currently engaging with would think of them if they crawled out of it.

This female trait of consistently looking after others does not play a role in these situations ladies !!

Who gives a big flying fuck what your flat mate thinks of you ?.... it is what you think of you that matters and how you feel in and after the sexual encounter that is of paramount importance.

Basically as important as consent is, we don’t talk about it enough. Which leaves us with a society that is more than a little unsure about what it is – and what it isn’t,  and how to continually have it as a discussion point.

As is apparent, in this post I am typically talking about consent in the context of some kind of sexual or physical activity with a significant other.

Yet in any form of relationship, both (or all) partners are able to openly talk about and agree on what kind of activity they want to engage in. Whether it’s holding hands, kissing, touching, intercourse, or anything else, it’s really important for everyone in the relationship to feel comfortable with what’s happening. 
In every single moment.

Get Consent Every Time

 

This is where many people feel it is grey.

It’s not okay to assume that once someone consents to an activity,  it means they are consenting to it anytime in the future as well. 
Whether it’s the first time or the hundredth time, in a hookup, a committed relationship or even marriage, nobody is ever obligated to consent to something, even if they’ve done it in the past. A person can decide to stop an activity at any time, even if they agreed to it earlier. Above all, everyone has a right to their own body and to feel comfortable with how they use it.

Consent is revocable.

Every situation is renegotiable...at   A N Y T I M E

Just as consent is the actual foundation of BDSM play, so it should also be for “Vanilla Sex'"" In BDSM before you can "play," you need to discuss the boundaries and comforts levels of each person involved in the scene.

And this is often witnessed by another. Making play a safe place for all parties.

We get so used to the vanilla experience that we forget to ask for or enthusiastically expressed consent.

All around us the Vanilla experience is showcased where the woman is often coerced into something she does not realise she really wants until she is over taken ( aka most boring AF movie sex scenes )

And although we may raise our eyes at these scenes,  remember that this is what generation after generation are raised on.... what is fed to them on the screen.

Whilst we continually are fighting for decent sex education in our schools.  ( as that is where our children spend most of their young life.)
where it would seem we are still in the dark ages whilst sporting super duper electronics, all the kids just as we did..have these images and ideas at their finger tips.

As it is in the BDSM world, all sexual play, including "vanilla sex" should only be engaged with someone you trust implicitly. Boundaries, desires and wants need to be discussed thoroughly beforehand, and the container agreed on.

This societal habit of going out, getting drunk and drugged fuck taking some one home, getting naked with them and having sex..IS RISKY AS ALL AF... really ?
 Come on guys...it is SO time to change the narrative.

Men and women...

Respect your self more..

I am not disregarding anything about one night stands.

Whether it is one night, one day, one week or one year..just be fully there !!!

I personally love in the moment sexy encounters...truth be told..

but hay... instead of talking about what countries you have traveled to, how many brothers and sisters you have ( b o r I n g ) and whether you are a vegan or not.... talk about  SEX..

Lets face it... it is why you are on that date anyway...no point skipping around the fact and shying away from it..... other wise you would be having dinner/coffee etc with your sister of best friend.

Trust comes form honesty and courage.
 Honesty takes courage
And getting naked ..with another...that takes courage and trust.

When was the last time you had a sexual check up ?

When was the last time you asked to see the results of a significant others sexual check up ?

And..another question I have for the masses...if we are subscribing to an education in the school system that teaches us to fear sex due to sexual diseases ...then why are we not teaching our teenagers and ourselves on how to check for sexual diseases? 
Granted not all can be detected by the naked eye, but at least many can.
 

Knowledge and practice of consent and boundaries are non negotiable and empowered sexual education is paramount.

In my world as I see it , there is no more room for grey areas and shying away from the so called “difficult'" ' subjects.
 Because those same subjects are undoing our society, our friendships, the safety of our women & of men and the silence and compliance of us all..

It's more than Time.

Always with Pleasure.

Melissa Louise