C O N S E N T

Boundaries and Consent

Absolute.

Non negotiable.

Freely Given.

Enthusiastically Expressed.

Revocable.

And within a mutual language.

Boundaries & Consent would have to be T H E most important life skill we could possibly have. Especially in the second decade of the millennium of 2000.

So why I ask is it not taught in schools? 

Why is it not taught in the sport arenas we so lavishly place hero status onto and why is it not an every day subject openly spoken about with our children.

If I had it all my way our children from the age of 8 and 9 would be taught self defense, boundaries and consent and how to self pleasure once they began their teenage years instead of f&#king football, history and home economics.

Recently in a series of podcasts in Radio Lab titled  “In The No”.... interviewed women consistently stated they were too scared, felt embarrassed and not safe to change their mind, to say “no” strongly or even walk out of a sexual situation that they did not feel comfortable in.

The subject of the men pushing for their wants and desires like little boys having a tantrum in case they would not get there way is another part of the story.

What I am interested in is W H Y are women not empowering themselves to have their own backs and stand for how they really feel?..and why are  W E, as a collective with in the education systems not supporting our girls and women to have that voice ?

W O R L D...it is 2018.... lets get on with it.

Ladies.... you are not sure? You don't want to be there? Get the fuck up, put on your clothes and walk out...regardless of how you may think you will make this other person feel..your body is yours and not theirs. !!!

Take a self defense class,  ring that friend and who cares what your flat mate will think about you if you cry out for support.? Their perceived shame of you is a hell of a lot better then your own personal shame of doing something you don'' t want to do,

Over and over again women give the reason they “just got on with it” in sexual situations they were not wanting to be involved in,  They did not want their housemates to think they were a “slut” by finding out they were engaging in drunken, risky sexual activity..or they were concerned about what the other person they were currently engaging with would think of them if they crawled out of it.

This female trait of consistently looking after others does not play a role in these situations ladies !!

Who gives a big flying fuck what your flat mate thinks of you ?.... it is what you think of you that matters and how you feel in and after the sexual encounter that is of paramount importance.

Basically as important as consent is, we don’t talk about it enough. Which leaves us with a society that is more than a little unsure about what it is – and what it isn’t,  and how to continually have it as a discussion point.

As is apparent, in this post I am typically talking about consent in the context of some kind of sexual or physical activity with a significant other.

Yet in any form of relationship, both (or all) partners are able to openly talk about and agree on what kind of activity they want to engage in. Whether it’s holding hands, kissing, touching, intercourse, or anything else, it’s really important for everyone in the relationship to feel comfortable with what’s happening. 
In every single moment.

Get Consent Every Time

 

This is where many people feel it is grey.

It’s not okay to assume that once someone consents to an activity,  it means they are consenting to it anytime in the future as well. 
Whether it’s the first time or the hundredth time, in a hookup, a committed relationship or even marriage, nobody is ever obligated to consent to something, even if they’ve done it in the past. A person can decide to stop an activity at any time, even if they agreed to it earlier. Above all, everyone has a right to their own body and to feel comfortable with how they use it.

Consent is revocable.

Every situation is renegotiable...at   A N Y T I M E

Just as consent is the actual foundation of BDSM play, so it should also be for “Vanilla Sex'"" In BDSM before you can "play," you need to discuss the boundaries and comforts levels of each person involved in the scene.

And this is often witnessed by another. Making play a safe place for all parties.

We get so used to the vanilla experience that we forget to ask for or enthusiastically expressed consent.

All around us the Vanilla experience is showcased where the woman is often coerced into something she does not realise she really wants until she is over taken ( aka most boring AF movie sex scenes )

And although we may raise our eyes at these scenes,  remember that this is what generation after generation are raised on.... what is fed to them on the screen.

Whilst we continually are fighting for decent sex education in our schools.  ( as that is where our children spend most of their young life.)
where it would seem we are still in the dark ages whilst sporting super duper electronics, all the kids just as we did..have these images and ideas at their finger tips.

As it is in the BDSM world, all sexual play, including "vanilla sex" should only be engaged with someone you trust implicitly. Boundaries, desires and wants need to be discussed thoroughly beforehand, and the container agreed on.

This societal habit of going out, getting drunk and drugged fuck taking some one home, getting naked with them and having sex..IS RISKY AS ALL AF... really ?
 Come on guys...it is SO time to change the narrative.

Men and women...

Respect your self more..

I am not disregarding anything about one night stands.

Whether it is one night, one day, one week or one year..just be fully there !!!

I personally love in the moment sexy encounters...truth be told..

but hay... instead of talking about what countries you have traveled to, how many brothers and sisters you have ( b o r I n g ) and whether you are a vegan or not.... talk about  SEX..

Lets face it... it is why you are on that date anyway...no point skipping around the fact and shying away from it..... other wise you would be having dinner/coffee etc with your sister of best friend.

Trust comes form honesty and courage.
 Honesty takes courage
And getting naked ..with another...that takes courage and trust.

When was the last time you had a sexual check up ?

When was the last time you asked to see the results of a significant others sexual check up ?

And..another question I have for the masses...if we are subscribing to an education in the school system that teaches us to fear sex due to sexual diseases ...then why are we not teaching our teenagers and ourselves on how to check for sexual diseases? 
Granted not all can be detected by the naked eye, but at least many can.
 

Knowledge and practice of consent and boundaries are non negotiable and empowered sexual education is paramount.

In my world as I see it , there is no more room for grey areas and shying away from the so called “difficult'" ' subjects.
 Because those same subjects are undoing our society, our friendships, the safety of our women & of men and the silence and compliance of us all..

It's more than Time.

Always with Pleasure.

Melissa Louise

Sex Magik. It Is A Thing.

Personally I have dabbled in witchcraft for awhile...mostly all by default ..but using new moon, full moon and forests for many prayers you could call spells.

It was not until I discovered Sex Magik that I was truly turned on ( literally ) by fully owning my witchy-ness and began celebrating the act of casting spells out into the universe.

Discovering Sex magik meant I could combine my love for orgasms and witchy poo magic all in one.

Hell Yes. !

And it may seem like a load of woo hoo and only for crazy people.

But believe me it is the real deal.

Anyways..even if you don't think it to be true..what is the harm of giving it a go ? Any excuse for more orgasms I say !

Sex Magik is a powerful tool to use inside of your relationship with a significant other if you are wanting to draw in big things like a new home, a holiday, having a baby or changing jobs/careers.

And Sex magik is a damn powerful tool to use  S O L O !

I am all for mind-full masturbation and using your masturbation/self pleasure time mindfully towards your desires is a very powerful thing.

A few months ago I used sex magik in Mexico City in the airport.

Faced with red tape over the amount of hours my lay over was between Costa Rica and Canada I was being told that I had to repay for all of my luggage on my flights in order to board the second half of my flight.

I had spent over two hours negotiating with quite a few people behind desks and on phones and felt I had exhausted all avenues.

Travelling for 2 days already I was running on no sleep and had forgotten about this little piece of magic.

Touching my string of necklaces I made contact with my small rose quartz egg that is the perfect size for clitoris play.

“Of Course” I thought. There is always one more thing I can try,

Leaving my son falling in and out of sleep on top of our luggage I went off to the bathroom and got busy.

Very clear with my need to check in onto our 2^nd leg of the journey with all our pre paid luggage at no extra cost I was also wanting to be able to check in 5 hours early so we could just get through the gates and sleep before boarding our flight.

After spending time breathing, stimulating my clitoris and praying I returned to the customer desk where my son was now fast asleep spread eagled over one of his suitcases.

I was greeted by a man I had not seen before wearing a diamante snake broach on his lapel.

“Miss Boord” He said

“I am so sorry for all of your hassles with us over the past few hours. I will personally check all your luggage onto the flight and am happy to do that for you now even though the check in counters for your flight don''t open for a few more hours. Please accept my apologies for the mix up that you have endured'

T R U E     S T O R Y.

I have even used sex magic to have green lights all the way down Lonsdale Avenue in North Vancouver one day when I was extremely late for an appointment .

 I used Sex Magik years ago to get myself to Havana, start a business that allowed me to keep going there and gain a family in a city that I now call my second home.

Most recently this past week I have used Sex Magik both for myself and my Lover. Creating for both of us a few daily things that had to come to fruition. I needed to sell my sons bike that day and the text I received from my lover this morning confirmed a few things I had been self pleasuring over whilst we have been a apart.

There is no denying the power of Sex Magik.

So for the big things and the little things..Sex magik is a
F U N way to manifest what you want.

Here are 4 things about Sex magik you should know.

1. Sex magic is using your sexual energy to cast a spell.

Sex Magik uses your sexual energy (often an orgasm) to cast a spell. Casting a spell is just setting an intention and then performing a ritual to bring the intention to the universe’s attention. You can cast a spell with candles, jars, crystals and other trinkets AND also the most fun of all , O R G A S M S!

2. Orgasms are powerful tools to harness energy.

Everything has energy, and anyone who has experienced energetic, emotional and/or spiritual orgasms knows that they are powerful forms of energy. Aside from feeling good and being a hot way to connect with your partner or more deeply with yourself, some witches believe that the sexual energy within an orgasm can be used as a ritual to cast a spell.

3. To cast a spell, just visualize what you want as you Orgasm.

Words like magic, rituals, and spells can seem complicated, but performing sex magic is easy peasy. Literally just visualize what you want while you bring yourself to orgasm. Want to attract a new partner that fits a certain description? Think about them. Want more money? Think about cash while you orgasm— work less and orgasm more !

4. Masturbation may be the best time to practice sex magic.

You want to give your spell your full concentration.

With a solo practice write your intention down, create a space for mindful masturbation / self pleasure and state it out loud to God Energy / The Universe, as you orgasm. Keep that intention on your altar or under your pillow until it comes to fruition.

If you are using sex magik whilst making love with another then both of you need to be on the same page. Unless you don't tell them and you silently say your intention to yourself as you orgasm.

But really...that is not as fun as it could be.

If you are on the same page, then creating a little ceremony together can be as simple as both agreeing what it is you are wanting manifest and then whilst love making, fucking and being all juicy together keep on thinking about your desire and bring yourselves to orgasm together at the same time and both say it ( well groan, yell, scream and sigh it ) out loud to the universe together.

Sex magik.

You, Your Orgasm, and your Intentions.

Go forth and create baby !!


With Love & Pleasure
Melissa
xx